I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
