I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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