I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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