just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
