Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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