guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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