remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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