We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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