come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When are your genitals available?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
