just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
