Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
