Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
