There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
