Please, let me fuck your mom
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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