Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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