and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
