Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
