I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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