Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
