One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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