At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
