i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
