i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
