They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
