Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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