Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
