I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
