so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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