im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
