Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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