I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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