Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
