What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
