Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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