you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
