Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
