You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
