doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
