the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
