See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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