she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
