had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
