What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
