the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize