Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Success! We fucked roommates!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
