Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
