Ambien. No doubt about it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
