Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize