my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
