Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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