Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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