Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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