It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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