He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
