i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
