boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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