I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
