Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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