Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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