One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
