she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
