I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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