That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
