i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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