So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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