we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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